Poetry Prompt Collection 1 || Your most recently tackled fear

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This weeks poems

• Gavriel Dorota

  i get panic attacks

  when people look at me,

  frission & synesthesia overwhelming:

  red caught in my throat, bobber sinking.

  first three times i stood

  behind a mic, all i could do

  was revive childhood stutter.

  even now, i feel heart rate rise,

  i think the exercise is good?

  for your health?

  people say i seem confident

  i think they’re so full of

  pride i should take

  a seat, preference to sit,

  legs shake but can’t ask

  or i’ll seem strange.

  trust me, even after this

  quiet panic attack on stage

  i’ll be recovering longer than you think.

• Harpy

  CW: Homophobia, transphobia, abuse

  I never knew what it was like

  To be such a failure,

  You don't know what it's like

  To be seen as a traitor.

  Outcast by family –

  Outcast by my kin –

  Sent away from everything

  I could have ever been.

  I've always been afraid,

  Afraid of conflict,

  Afraid of being a failure,

  Afraid my dreams were tricked.

  But now my fear is growing,

  It takes a new shape,

  Afraid for my sibling,

  No longer in their cis cape.

  So I'll fight every day

  To keep my sibling safe and sound,

  They'll see what I've done

  And they'll say, “Look around.

  The family cast you out,

  But brother, you stood tall.

  You stayed true,

  Now our flags will rise for all.”

  But fear still grips me tight,

  Scared of being my family’s right hand man,

  My family despises me,

  Can't you understand?

  Scared I'll never have a home,

  Scared the good times have gone,

  Scared I'll always be the villain,

  Scared I'll always be the pawn.

  I wish that I could go back,

  But staying away is the key,

  I'll never make it home again,

  After ten years, maybe they'll see.

  But by then, I'll be long gone,

  I've never felt at home.

  Afraid for my sibling's truth,

  Afraid of what's to come.

  Afraid my father will say again,

  “I wish you weren't born.”

  And my mother’s cold neglect,

  That makes our hearts so torn.

  Afraid of calls in the night,

  Where my sibling cries in fear,

  Knowing tomorrow's darkness,

  And the pain that's always near.

  I'm afraid that in six years,

  I'll get a call in the dead of night,

  My sibling wailing, broken,

  Hated, wronged, out of sight.

  I won’t be just afraid then,

  But angry, righteously furious,

  Driving in a frenzy,

  To save them from this spurious

  Hate, to embrace them tight,

  To claim them as my own,

  To apply for custody,

  To give them a safer home.

  Afraid I'll have to save them,

  Afraid of custody fights,

  Afraid my parents won't change,

  Afraid of endless nights.

  Scared of water and of rain,

  Scared of memories, insane.

  Let my heart be hardened,

  No matter what the price.

  I won’t let this go,

  I’ll defend without a vice.

  Let my heart be hardened,

  Forget the love they gave,

  For my sibling stands at risk,

  And I’ll be bold and brave.

  To be the brother I should be,

  I’ll face the darkest night,

  I’ll harden my heart,

  And refuse to give up the fight.

  Even if the child in me,

  Still longs for their embrace,

  Some things will never change,

  But I won’t stand in place.

  Waiting.

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Graphics by Rhath